light

shaking my hand reaches up...touching your skin gently... i want more than anything to calm the fire within you...
your touch calms yet excites me...all firing cells could be firing within me yet you..you can touch me-making me feel beyond that of comfort...

my eyes close gently as i feel your warmth wrapping around me....I know i am safe..that i am fully loved...

this love warms me and reassures me everyday that i am wanted...no longer am i completely lost .. you ahve given me the path and light ot follow...i thank you ...

my love you are the one who will save me ... thank you...

what you want

looking into the reflection i wonder...i wonder if it truly is the light that i see....yet looking above me i see the light...it is beautifully frightening...reaching into the flame...

transmogrify my soul into the creature that waits patiently...feet hitting the ground full force...running...freedom....happiness lived briefly... corralled...forced...antsy

a gentle hand leads me...touching my neck oh so gently...leading me into the comfort of his arms...

this is what i need this is what i want..freedom yet the constraints of a loving master...someone who allow my freedom my control....yet leading me sternly on to the light...

haunted

the thoughts that race through my mind are beyond me.. i look trying to catch a glimpse something that i will recognize yet i can n ot
what is this ghost that is haunting me.. why does it linger in the shadows...taunting me... only showing an image of itself...lost that is what i am .. so lost trying to figure out how to escape myself but how can i escape the demon that awaits me...closing my eyes i hear laughing.. yet i see or know of no one that could be in my mind.. is it her... is she watning to come out.. will it be the day that i disappear.. no longer be the person i am..or will it be the demise of all that makes me... should i worry...

my cards call me.. the earth calls me....but what does all this mean... my skin aches...the tendrils of the other world pull me... tugging me in all directions yet...yet i am afraid.. i am afraid to let go...my mind my prison..always my prison..

could he be my savior.. could he be the one who will free me from this time capsule that holds me so tightly.. suffocating what is all that is me...hate..anger.. pain...suffering...happiness...do i know happiness...all i've ever known is betrayal pain...death...should this be all that i know... shouldn't i have children...laughter that lifts the spirits of those cursed so..

should i remain the one who will be ugly inside...afraid to know the beauty...should i ... what..how.. these bars are so cold that hold me... the chains that weigh me down.. is this all in my head... or is real...is my reality and imagination created to keep me quiet.. to make me sane

but i feel..i hurt...i love...but the passion i feel..i felt has dwindled so much...i look upon the face that saved me.. that is hoping to know the real me..who is the real me..am i a little girl hurt badly by those she trusted so much..or am I the girl child molested....the young woman broken by hands of the very men she loved...the woman broken...bruised...raped....until all self was broken like a mirror dropped on the floor.....

there is no one to put me back together...like humpty dumpty who fell from the wall...i have fallen...an angel who only knows hate..who only knows violence...wings once so pure now tainted...dark as the night that was forced upon me...a father who loved so ... a mother naive of her sins....another who steps in..trying to see yet she only sees the broken reflection who only tells half the story...

endless my days are...how can i live...how can i function...all passion that i want is no where...abused...broken...yet the breaks are all that is known..each crack...loved tenderly...running fingers along them...dripping....running down my hand..the blood from the caressing of the mirror...

alone i remain...stubborn...dumb...mute...to all around me... knowledge once my weapon now...now none remains...fear...wanting a life beyond what is in front...a hurricane to rip through...to make life different to make things...interesting...something to pull from the horrors....horrors hidden behind a laugh and smile....

http://www.nytimes.com/2010/03/07/opinion/07sun1.html

This is an article that I was reading. Very insightful for those who didn't know much of the new health care reform.

Alice in Wonderland Premiere

We went last night to the premiere of Alice in Wonderland it was awesome!

I dressed as the Red Queen and Hachi dressed as the Mad Hatter. It was great a movie! When we arrived everyone was like OMG! And asked to take pics with us which was cool! I know it was nice to do something different.

Now onto today!

People are severe jerks-I am seriously boggled at the fact if you are a lesbian for some reason they aer all angry and violent. I mean its like one bit of miss speak and you have a lesbian trying to shove their foot down your throat. I don't understand this. But anyways. Gary is sick today fun fun...so nothing neat today to do.. I guess video games? And tomorrow research on my paper for Honors and article research. I seriously need to look for classes for Fall 2010. I don't know yet. Well I need to jump in the shower. I feel icky and I want a shower and a nap. Might as well. *sighs*