Post of feelings: demons fought

It has been really hard to come to grips to the emotions that I am feeling. I want to tell of the happy events in my life but lately those have been far in between. I have great people surrounding me, My Husband, My Girlfriend, My Buddy Lonnie, My best friend Bill, Amanda and even Christy :) I surely thought she had forgotten me.

As everyone knows who read my blog I am bi-polar. Sometimes things are great. I feel like a real person. But then there are days where I feel so disconnected that all I want to is hide
or lay in bed and not move. My doctor tries a extreme treatment with me and my body keeps rejecting it so we have been trying to figure out if the new medicine will work. I feel worse. I won't deny it, I feel worse and by the end of the day where I have placed a mask on of smiling and laughing as though nothing is bothering me. But should I have to go through my day pretending? Should I have to fake what emotions I am feeling to make others comfortable to be around me?

It seems to be ruling my every routine....ah routine...one moment I believe I have a routine then something destroys that routine, I have my class schedule but then lately all I want to do is sleep on my breaks instead of doing something more productive. I mean I should be doing homework or studying my spanish.

I've done a lot of thinking and I believe it is time for me to start the small things in hopes they will move into larger things. Right now I am trying to dress better for class. I don't mean denying those comfy days of jeans and hoodie. But try to not look like ultimate bum either.

Now this part of my blog is for the two people who give me the strength to do the things I need to do.

Hachi-Just to tell right off. Things I love about you. I love the way you sing in the shower when you think no one can hear you or the way you get lost in your own little world when clean the kitchen. Adorable by the way. I love the way you care for me. There are days all I want is to snuggle up to you and cry my day away because I know later you will make me feel like I matter and even make me smile. There are things between us that will remain there but those things are not the most important. Walking arm in arm when we are out is a moment of special bliss to me. The closeness we have I've not had in so long. I thank you with all my heart. I know I could tell you but I believe this should be a moment in time to mi amore.

Gary: I know you read my blogs seldomly but I hope you read this one. Again the things I love about you. I love the way you watch me when you think no one sees you. I love the way you smile and pull me into an embrace that offers nothing but so much more. You accept me for all of me. My ups and downs and even the hell in between of those. I love the way the shadows of our room plays across your face when we take time to talk while we sit in bed..our moment alone. I love the way you are goofy just to make me smile. Those smiles feels as though they save my life my soul ever little grin. I love you for all of you. Even the smell the cloves you smoke leaves on your skin. That is you...without that smell it would be as though something would be missing. Even though I do know I love the amber I bought you on you. Ah mi vida.

This isn't the most positive blog I have written but it is the true emotions within me at the time. Good Night all

Update of late ;)

Things have been good. I've been working part-time and going to school full-time for three days now :). Classes are good I like my teachers. I have intro to sociology, sociology problems, spanish 2, women and gender studies and anthropology class. The animals are having to adjust to my schedule-so I'm not the only grumpy one lately lol.

I have some pics of Bucket from his first play day!

He used Gary as a living Jungle Gym! I wish I could have gotten the pic of him face hugging Gary! He met Pestilence and well hes cool with her. But Odin well lets say I hope their next encounter is nicer lol. Bucket tried to bite Odin's tail. As long as he wasn't aware Odin was out he was cool-but when he saw Odin he got a bit grumpy. We've been putting them near each other in pouches when we wear them out. They smell each other through the little vents. But no bad or aggressive noises. So I think things are progressing for the better! 

Tonight they got a little bit of greens and veggies but hidden amongst them is some mealies and crickets! I gave them each one as a treat...I can't get them to stop chirping! Its so awesome! I love to hear the little noises they make.

Ah here is some of their stuff I made.

This is Odin's pouch. Bucket's is camo with purple on the inside. They love 'em its their fav pouches now!

This is their little trampoline I made. I've got to trim off the cords before it goes in but so far they love their pouches I made.

 These guys are who I wake up too in the morning! What a better way to wake up to know that I'm loved by my girls! Crybaby isn't as often as Pesti...she pouts because Dusty sleeps in there with me!

Pesti is my grand baby actually...lol Crybaby is her mommy! She loves to sleep on me!

Can't you tell!

I share my bed with these two plus Dusty..sometimes Athena.....and Gary can't forget Gary!

Work is doing well. Still cashiering. Its work nothing to wild or crazy about it! Well its late and I just wanted to do a small update. I might write some more later this week. But this was just a quickie while I was thinking on it!

Its bathe and bedtime here....me and my Sociology book are gonna go get cozy until I finish reviewing the intro chapter and chapter one...wish my teach had the schedule link up...grrr...that way I would know what we were going over tomorrow!

Sewing and New Addition

So last night while I was trying to figure out what to get Odin for his birthday/Christmas, a friend of ours told me a friend of theirs needed to find a home for a 2 year old Glider named Bucket...so I told Skate to ask if they still needed a home. Find out today they did! And with the help of Bill (promises to work at his house and lots of squeeing...I was even told to slow down because I was so excited) I was able to meet Patricia (Bucket's mommy) and get Bucket. So far so good...him and Odin checked each other out through the cage walls. Can 't mix them quite yet. First we have to let them deal with each other's smell for a bit then...then its neutral territory. Probably the bedroom so they can bounce on the bed.....easier for us to catch them lol..

Right now I am letting Bucket chill and get use to the new smells. Tomorrow...we are trying pouch time. I am gonna make a new pouch just for him and when its finished I'm gonna let him check it out. I have to make a few more items but atm I am done for the night.

You think I was an alien today with the animals. Once I started sewing they decided I was the coolest thing in the house and they had to see what I was doing...lay on everything *cats* and try to get moma's attention by barking at every little noise in the house *Athena*. So I've had many events today of chasing animals off my fabric telling puppy to hush its just the wind. Ah the life of a furry moma.

Today I made a no sew trampoline for the boys. Its gonna stay out of both their cages so it will be a neutral toy for then when they do get together. I need to make a couple more blankies, corner nooks, and work on their teepee I am wanting to fix.

I've made Odin a new cage pouch its got flames and dragons...with an orange inside. I think he will like it. I've got him in his new pouch which he approves of because he climbed in looked around curled up and chirped. So I got the seal of approval.

I've been awake since early this morning so I think I will be crashing soon because I am very tired. Hence the done for the night on sewing. Sewing and sleepy equals bad things. I already messed up on boxed corners tonight so I was like finish the pouch and turn machine off. I will work on some more stuff tomorrow :)

But thats pretty much my day :) I hope to post a few pics later. I have to download them to the pc-so check back again.

Now time to curl up on the couch with Athena and Odin.. Bucket time tomorrow. I don't want to over whelm him with a new environment. Slow and steady! Maybe watch Kung Fu Panda 2 again..I need some laughs right about now to wake me up!