Well here I am....

Things have been mad crazy with my disorder. New doctors, new counselors, and new medicines.....I feel a little better I still have rough days. But they are far in between- well except the funk I've been in. But I think that's just the holidays. Today is a day that I'd rather just stay in jammies and not go anywhere. But alas I have somewhere and something to do. No prob though! I'm sending a sign in sheet out to the park with +Gary Husband  and I'm staying home. I think I will start on a pouch for Bucket. All his pouches are tore up. So-I need to make more pouches for him. 

I have to get all my major projects I want done- done before the 7th of January. Classes start back and well thats going to be something. 

I am going to work on washing Bills puppies, then I have to come home and work on pouches for the boys. Then back to the grind of inputting the decks that work into my iPad.

I'm looking to get a ferret or two in January/February. But first I have to be able to block off my kitchen area. Those areas are severely non ferret proof-able. I know I have animals. But I've been wanting another ferret for a while now. My Bucket even agrees that a ferret would be fun. ;).....(bribed him with a mealie worm)

I also want to get Bucket some little tubes to see if he'd play in them. I wish he would play in those tubes like the hamsters get. I found a cage that is just under the minimum cage size for a glider-but first I need to find out if he'd even play in the tube...gliders are not burrowers but they do like pouches and such. If not then: mommy will just deck his cage out with new toys and pouches and perches just for him :) I wish I could get him a friend and they not fight. Its not good for them to be alone. But he's been alone all his life. So its stresses him to be with another glider. I know weird.

Our holidays haven't been that bad. We enjoyed our first Christmas of gifts for once lol. Now our poor tree has to be either burned or tossed by the road. 

lithium

i don't want to lock me up
i don't want to forget who i am
but the darkness has embraced me so

i want to let it go
where shall i find the light
lying here alone i cry
the emptiness within me

can you fill it

can you warm this coldness within me
am i mad
why does these voices tell me to run

why can i not fight
my sorrow overflows
tears trace the grown as i run
can i make it
will he find me

can i break free of me myself
can i defeat my worst enemy
will the demons inside me
be sated with the blood of my enemy
can i do it

to not exist
will the light burn
can i be held in the light
will there be a place for me
can i let this all go

break free of these chains
chains of woe, hate, anger
can his arms bring me solace

songbird

I once saw as an innocent song bird
needing to be released from her cage
Beauty, exotic something no one should possess
Untarnished was my view of you
my little songbird

But now your cage has been broken
your beauty became my undoing
through the world you soared
feathers growing dark

innocence no longer revels within you

habits of evil and dirty deeds
carcass from carcass you soar
soon i realize you were no songbird
you were a crow- a crow disguised
what to do i think

my beloved songbird
i let you go-yet threw a lovers glassy eyes
i watch wishing for the caged songbird of long ago

Crazy Month!...........and the rabbit trail begins

Ok It has been a while since I have posted. I know-I have had a lot of ups and down that have kept me on a roller coaster ride of emotions. Money issues: totally got me stressed. But there will be good news coming then bad news....that is how life goes.

Not much has been going on here at the house, I've been doing Avon. Its going. Not as well as I would like it to. But again I am just starting out. So again if you want to place an order go to my website.

We've adopted a new kitten as of Father's Day. His name is Thor. He was claimed by Lonnie's little boy Alex. But he isn't allowed to have him at his mom's house. So we decided..well I decided I would keep the kitten for him. We had Aneissya, Jasmine (Nessa's Jasmine), and Nessa's boyfriend Austin, plus Lonnie and his kids! IT was an awesome day. Lots of video games, food and lots of fun. 

We made a picture date with the girls for this weekend-

Wow that was a while back! Today I am beginning to find a bit of time for me! OMG I have been so overwhelmed. We have had 2 car accidents in the household: Everyone is fine. One car totaled-one car fixed. The white firebird still flys! YES!

Now update...lets see:

I've started working at Applebee's on St. Augustine. Its fun a little stressing at times but I love it.

We've started back Amtgard! Which is fun. It is a really good stress reliever for me at the end of the week.

Since I've started back with Amtgard, I've started back my sewing. SO I'm either gonna bring back my Sews Barefoot blog or just put it here with my rambles! I believe I will just do that! I have two projects done. I need to place them on the mannequins and get a pic of them to post.

This is me looking very unamused at Gary lol...This is my armor and one of my fighting get ups!

School is starting back soon. I am excited and jittery all at the same time. I'm like Yes I want to start back. Then its.....will I break down again?

That is what I am afraid of. I mean the Bi-polar aspect of my life isn't as bad as it use to be but the diagnoses of borderline personality disorder scares me. A lot of what I experience is due to that, not my bi polar and so far Talk is the only remedy. Yippee!....well I found also other remedy...whack people with stick...well foamed sticks! I mean...I go out and battle out with the opposing forces on the field........ :)

It helps lol.

But lately I've been quite moody. I am not really big into change, I hate change-they say change is good for you...me ha change is my kryptonite. But I am trying to do better. I'm not quite sure what I can do but I am working on it. I've been really grumpy. Maybe its because I did the one thing I shouldn't have done-DIVED head first into everything and didn't take anytime for myself. That is what Gary tells me.

Ah update on little Thor. He has a home. He now lives with Butch and Margaret. They love him and he loves to pester them! Perfect combination.

Well that is all for now. I need to finish cooking and take a nap then work on a tutorial video for wrap pants~!

Fun and Great Day

Today has been a busy day! But an enjoyable one! Jasmine and me both had our early appointments, then off to lunch together. Then to marketing Avon. I did a couple of things wrong. Found that out at my sales meeting tonight. But that's ok. I will fix that!

We went to Lakeland, found a cute shop! A to die for top! If its there next payday and I earn 20 bucks from Bill I'm gonna go get it! It is so sexy! Well, I was going to go to Hahira but then I looked at the time and wanted to get one of my other customers before she closed her shop. Plus I had a date to take Jasmine to see the spiders at Snake Pit.

Well she held a Rose Hair Tarantula-no screaming, no panicking she did well. I even held her of my own accord. We looked around and even talked of starting an aquarium at least a small one.

We went to Shirley's and dropped off her order. Browsed, I found a mask that I want! Its awesome! Its like 5.99 might work a deal out between business women via business woman. *Hmmm* :)

Jasmine got called in so eh? I went to my meeting! I was gonna go but she was just gonna be my plus 1 lol!

Tried some of the products today! Found I LOVE AVON PRODUCTS! The eye make remover is awesome! Its a lotion and it removes all makeup!

Me and Athena had to wait for the rain to pass before we could go on our walk. So it was later than we  planned. :( But we went! She loved it! All the new smells after the rain falls.

So here is my thoughts on being a new rep:

Wow, starting out as a new representative is pretty scary. Placing that first order-makes you wonder wow can I really do this? Then you get your order in-separate...they say its like Christmas. Hmmm...maybe after all the presents have been ripped apart and strewn all over. :)

I'm still delivering orders. I've only got two or three left. One is a family member who is bribing me into lunch, but I don't mind :). We've not seen each other in quite a long time. So it will be a great visit.

Now onto my first sales meeting. I was anxious, nervous, unsure-I mean I do not know these women who I should share some what of a bond with. But we open arms and many smiles I was welcomed in. I even met my over all manager, Betty Shaw. She is really great. Well, I can not forget the Avon Guy we had!

It was fun. I learned a lot from this meeting! I mean wow-I've had ideas but some of the things that was shared, I had no clue on! I mean who knew?

But I enjoyed it. I am glad that I went. I almost chickened out and stayed home. But now I have more of an idea of what to do. Now I must clean up my dining room from "Christmas" and get down to making out a plan. I have this! I will do this. There is no, "I can't!" I CAN AND I WILL!


Now for those who read, "If you are where I cannot deliver to you-we have .99$ shipping on ALL ORDERS! well except orders over $30 those have free shipping!"


So remember my shop!

Today

Rain rain! I loved it! I almost went out and played in it. I know big kid right? Well I didn't instead I slept in a bit longer than I should. I decided to go around and collect up on the payments for my Avon today. So far only one of my clients hasn't paid that I need to pay before Thursday. And she's going out of town. Grr. Hopefully she does what I asked her too. If not I may not place the order. Because I don't want to eat a 55.00 order! I have my own stuff to do!

Had fun over at Shirley's as usual! Its a riot over there! I have a slightly busy day tomorrow. Between putting in inventory which I was suppose to do today, but didn't. To making deposits ,which is one of the reasons I needed her to pay me today.  But I will call her and see if she is still going to need the order. I mean I have to have the money or I can't place the order! Once all my deposits are made then I will place the order. 

I've had a grouchy day. I kinda bummed it too. I think a hot shower in the morning will do me well. I have good news though on top of the grumpy news! I have an interview on Friday! @ 2! I hope I get hired. I really want the job. Its a secretarial position. SO say a few prayers for me! 

I've not much to report besides my suggies need to gain weight, especially Bucket. Poor baby has lost weight. He was 5 oz now hes almost 4 oz. They need to be 5 to 6 oz. So I'm gonna get them some treats tomorrow that will help with the weight. Maybe some different fruits. Some fresh fruits see how they like that. Maybe blueberries. they like blueberries. 

Also-the chiweenie has seriously gotten on her moma's nerves today! She doesn't want to pee outside. Because its wet. I took her on a small walk and still no bathroom!@_@

So in the kennel she went and well she's just gonna have to hold it until daddy comes home! I don't know what to do. Because she won't even use the puppy pads when I lay them down. *sighs*

But that is the gist of my day lol. So I leave you with this:

"First say to yourself what you would be, then do what you have to do."

                        -Epictetus,(55~135) Greek Stoic philosopher

Avon Site Change

Hey everyone my Avon site has changed! Its  so go here and check out what's in the store!

Off to go cook. Its been a lazy day here. I'm hoping some good news will come my way this week on a job. So keep me in your prayers. Again please keep my friend William in Your prayers also.

Get your Avon Advance Techniques hair color now!

Get your Avon Advance Techniques hair color now!: Check out the new hair look I created using Avon's Try It On tool! Upload your own photo to try on hair color shades.

Lord Settle this in my life

I sit and feel as though a darkness sits with me. I smile and I laugh yet none of it feel genuine. Where has...

My heart aches, I have loving people around me but all I want is to be alone. When I know I should be with them trying to heal. But what am I healing? Where am I healing? I was told perhaps I am going through this in my life to help others through it-so that I may understand where they come from.

How can I help someone when I am unsure if I am helping myself? I mother everyone, I take care of everyone-i am told I mustn't do this. I must take care of myself. I pray and ask what is it I must do? I feel lost-I know it will pass it always passes but will there be a day that I will not have these days? I know its a disorder but sometimes is sure does feel like I've got good and bad fighting inside of me! 

I've been strong and tried to push through all of the effects of my disorder, in hopes that I can control or manage it better. But here these past few days it has been such a task.

So much is on me: I need a job-yes I am selling Avon. But I need something also that pays regular hours. My A/C in my car is out and needs to be fixed, the motor in my driver's side door went out: so I cannot roll down my window.  We are so strapped right now that I am unsure of what to do.

I know there is no complete answer to everything-but I only hope and Pray God can help me with this battle within me so that I may continue to go about my days. I just want to be alone. I know this is not good-but I believe I am overwhelmed with Gary and Jasmine right now. They both want to do things with me, but I just can't and I don't know how to explain it. 

I worry for my friend Will, he did as I asked and went to his doctor. He is in Greenleaf getting the help that he needs right now in his life. So if anyone has any extra prayers they don't mind giving out, pray for him too. I believe William would like that. 

I know not such as happy post. But I follow my niece's post and they make me smile with all of their beautiful antics. I think I'm going to go sit outside and enjoy the cool night air before it gets too cool to sit in.

Good night everyone.

Wow what a day!

Well as everyone knows I've been working hard trying to find a job. So far no luck. But one must have patience. I've prayed about it and asked for some assistance. And what do you know, I may have 3 new customers for AVON! Awesome! I hope so. I am so going to do good at this. I just know it. I made some home made Breast Cancer Awareness Pins and some Against Domestic Abuse Pins, I placed them in the welcome packets to new customers. So that they may support the cause also.

 I've hit the road all day trying to put out my name so that maybe I can get some repeat customers. So keep in your mind and please share my link
bring-out-your-inner-diva.avonrepresentative.com

Now something that happened Sunday. I wanted to get up early to go to Mass, but I did not manage to do so. So I decided to go to Books A Million where I decided to eat cheesecake, drink coffee and feel depressed. I know why? I haven't gotten a single call back? WHY? I'm not that bad of a worker, I'm a great worker!  But I ended up with a sale!

So that was good. 

Once I was out of the store, I was still a little down until I hear this young man singing: his name is Joey Binion. 

http://youtu.be/oc7pdPL7z2k this is where the video will be live once it loads. He has a great voice. He plays in a band at the Wooden Nickel Pub. He made my day. I smiled from that moment on. It was great!

So some prayers are answered in some of the strangest ways :) *No complaints here*

Update!

Well this is sorta an UPDATE! Lol@ through pictures! This is whats been going on in my days since my last post. I've been on the ball trying to sell Avon! Dropping off resumes and applying to jobs! So Bless Ya'll and have a great day/evening/night!

What It means to me

As everyone has seen I have started selling Avon,its fun. But It is hard starting off. I mean I don't have all that I have but me and the pamphlets. I want to order some beginner kits but to keep from having to pay out of pocket I need to have like 10 sells at a decent but not outrageous price.

I should be home. But Christie called and I went and allowed her to look over. She placed a small order. But next campaign she is getting a set of rings. So that is awesome!

Hopefully Monday I will be able to get flyers placed up around campus and all so that way maybe I will get my name out there.

I am sitting at Books A Million- trying to escape the house. I already had the phone call that I was expecting: Where are you? I'm out. :) They worry.

Its been so long since I've been my own person. I want to be my own person. Not someone else's person. I just--I am always (it seems) to be expected to do or make my life revolve around others. I can't do that anymore but I can't be selfish either. Gary told me last night I blogged allot last week. Yes I did. It helped me. It was a coping mechanism. I did get lost into it. BUt I needed to be lost. I've not blogged sooner because I have been so busy trying to understand this new company and wait for someone to call me from the Temp Agency to tell me I have a job. My doctor was against the temp. But everywhere I've placed an resume or application in has not called back. One told me I wouldn't get the job because I didn't have dental experience. Which is ok. But when they say its not required--its a little annoying when you see NEED TO HIRE ASAP and then get told oh no can't hire you.

We need extra funds seriously in this household. Maybe just maybe I need to go back into retail. I really don't want to. That is allot of stress, but just maybe I can do that until a better job comes around. I need a job that pays more than 7.25!

Gary works so hard to bring home barely nothing. We are hardly surviving and when I get stressed what do I do =buy things! Like today I saw this cheetah print iPad carrier. I was like OMG I want that! So I'm gonna take a picture of it and put it on my wish list.

I saw a few things at Wal-mart that I'd love. I'm sorry I'm a bit down today.

I did make a sell. But I'd love to get another sell like Shirley's.

I have an appointment tomorrow and Tuesday. Dreading Tuesday that is when I am discussing the pain medicine issue with my doctor. She wants me to be just on Tylenol for the pain in my hip. Wonderful. But it doesn't help. I need to leave here and go to the UPS store and see if they are open. I need to make some more print outs 14 actually. THen I need to go home and play GW3 with Gary. I have apparently not been paying much mid to him. Which was mutual. Wow the wonderful thing of communication=we so don't have sometimes.

I wanted to find me-then when I couldn't find me I tried to recreate who I was. I can't do that! I am me! ME dang it! I am eccentric, I believe in things that go bump in the night, I believe God isn't alone, I believe magic exists-I believe expressing yourself through your every day dress or dying your hair crazy colors or even cutting ti really crazy short: THAT MAKES YOU YOU! Why should negative people make you feel as though you can't be who you are. What right do they have to rip that away from you? Why do I have to pretend I'm not who I am. I went to St. John' Catholic Church-I went to confession and thought: what to confess? There was nothing that I felt wrong about. I new some of the things I did were wrong in my life but I had already made peace with them through prayer and talking to God. Then mass-I went: there was no Soul. I want Soul when I go to church. I want it where you feel so enlightened when you leave that you are walking on the cloud with God and Goddess (hey where did he get the idea for women)-I believe in balance. I strive control my life. To control what happens around me. Perhaps a bit too much. But I do.

I still have ache in me that just won't go away, I'm not sure how to get rid of it. But yesterday, when I stood in Shirley's shop and spoke openly and jokingly with them it was wonderful. I felt elated! I truly see Shirley as a friend. She makes me smile and jokes with me--she so makes sure I don't speak negative. I feel comfortable with her.

I want more people I can feel that way with. Today I spoke with Christie adn Gary. I actually enjoyed the convo with both. :) I was out--I was out doing what I wanted to do: I was free. My grandmother always said my animal spirit was a Mustang because they always had to be free and never tamed. Then well there's the fox lol: I love being mischief.

Acceptance. I believe that is the largest thing I need. But acceptance from other people not just those close knit to me. Because they always say: We accept you-we love you-you aren't alone. But I am. They don't understand I am alone. Those people are meant to be in my life no matter what. They are meant to say the things they say. But I want those who are outside of my life.

Someone or someone's I can speak openly with: perhaps not as open as with Shirley lol. But openly.

Well its 4pm. Gary should be out of bed. I guess its time to pack up. I see potential clients but they are with family and I don't want to interrupt family time. Maybe Monday--theres always Monday. I have to go home fill out the applications, turn those in and even go to the Inn maybe they still need someone for the Front Desk.

Well *hugs* and Many blessings to all that have read this. Much Love.

Just a Quick Pop in

Today has been quite a long day for me. It started at 2am. No I did not have to be up this early, I just was awake. So I read-then when Gary came home I decided to talk with him and spend some awake time with him. He's usually sleepy or waking up when I see him. :)

I managed to take our neighbor and friend to work this morning, then I commenced the daunting task of cleaning out my pack mouse desk. Yes I am a slight pack mouse. Not rat...mouse. Its small things that I collect or just don't find a reason to get rid of them. 

After picking up Lonnie-I then came home for a 2 hour nap. Well needed.

Then at 7pm I went over to Bill's for coffee and help set up his new pc (well new to him: its my old emachine: nothing wrong with it just obsolete with my laptop) Installing things took a bit longer than planned. Which did not bother me. I enjoy his company. But now its late and all I've consumed all day is coffee! So I am making a batch of ramen and then I am showering and crashing! So hopefully soon I will have time to update on mine and Hachi's girl's night of "oooosahhhh"! Lots of pics to come with that! So stay tuned. I hope to soon have the pages up for the book reviews too. Job searching has taken over my days lately. But tomorrow I have an interview with the Temp Services and I may start selling Avon, Just may. So Goodnight and too all who read in the daylight: Good Morning and Have a Great Day at work or just enjoying your day!

Happy Mother's Day

Well a mother, a real mother, is the most wonderful person in the world;
She’s the angel voice that bids you goodnight
Kisses your cheek, whispers, ‘Sleep tight.’” -Wendy, in Peter Pan

Saturday...and late last night

One I would like to add our goofiness on here..

This is just on of our camera strips lol I have an actual strip of all of it I am loading.

Yes this is our boredom. Athena isn't even left out of the fun! So this is what we did right before bed last night.

Now onto today. Well staying up late did not help matters any when it came to getting up this morning. We all had a date yes a date....MOVIE DATE! I call it a date because we rarely go to the movies so it feels like a date. We went to see Marvel's Avengers. It was a great movie. There were moments in the movie that was quite funny!

May be a bit of Spoiler Moments But if you want to see a few cute moments Read!

So that is the jist of our day :) I came home and crashed. Gary is playing Video Game and well I am about to work on another Mother's day gift and Make my pages for Kid's Book Reviews and Adult Book reviews!

Have a blessed Day!

kitty in need

http://sunshiney-arts.tumblr.com/post/22890660133/please-help-cat-in-need

This is for my sister. If anyone can help please do. But also please place her little fuzzy in ya'll's prayers

Please Help: Cat in need

So I know I’ve posted a lot of emergency stuff lately and I’m still having money troubles which makes something that happened 5 mnutes ago even harder to deal with.

My kitty Stormageddon, or Stormi for short, came limping into my house about 5 minutes ago. It appears he has a badly broken back leg. I’m no vet but I can bend his back leg but there is a place near the hip where there is a bone poking and if I touch that he meows in agony. We can’t pick him up without him screaming in pan, he can’t walk without limping and STILL being in pain.

I don’t have a picture of him because the baby is all black and fuzzy and, at the moment, he’s curled up on a couch cushion where I’ve put him so he just ends up looking like this fuzzy black blob…

The thing is, I can’t afford to take him to the vet right now. I honestly have 60-50 dollars to my name, bills that still need to be paid and I need food for myself plus more kitty food in the next two days. Since this just happened I have NO idea how much it will cost to fix my kitty. Even if I have to have him put down, I don’t have the money for that.

I have no idea what happened to my baby but I really don’t want to hear him suffer, I can’t take it. So, I hate to outright beg but if anyone can spare anything to help him I’d be so very grateful. If I have to I’ll post vet receipts and everything to prove that I took him…I just want him to be okay. Looking up online and hearing Micah talk there are so many bad things that can go wrong if this is just left unattended and his suffering is something I wouldn’t be able to live with myself if I just let it go unchecked.

I would be forever grateful if you could reblog this or donate to help him. My paypal is wolframkyo@gmail.com

To all of you who donate, I can’t thank you enough and I swear that every penny will go to helping Stormi with his leg. For those of you who reblog, you’re such a great help for getting the word out.

Friday

Well me and Jasmine got up....well Jasmine should have great news to tell so I will leave a  Great great news! But you may not hear that until tomorrow. I just asked when she was blogging that and she's like tomorrow. Silly girl is caught up in the Hunger Games Books. So far they are good. Maybe she will give us a review on them on her blog.

HINT HINT NUDGE NUDGE HINT HINT HINT HINT: COME ONE HACHI TELL US

So after her great news, we decided to go drop off applications: she more than me-most of mine were online. So I decided to window shop. Theres this little shop in the mall: SO cute Sweet Shop or something like that.

But look what I found:

So here is the HELLO KITTY I WANT! She is so cute! The little bean baby balls are cute too!

see m&m's

Jelly Bean Wall! OMG All colors of the rainbow! Oh and M&M's they are on the top of the pic!

I thought these would look great on the girls: Neela, Stevie and Olive!

OH AND THE PUCKER STICKS! YOU CAN MAKE YOUR OWN!

Sinful! This is their sweet section! Truffles! But I believe one cost like 2.25! But I still want to splurge one day and try one.

Jasmine's little cuties she liked. Plus her really nice dress today! The little tye dye bear I'm gonna get stuffed for her with my first paycheck. (hey a girl can be optimistic)

Some more little critters

The way they stuff them is kind of neat! Plus you can dress them up!

Just too darn cute! Hachi (jasmine) went nuts over it and the one below!

Well after there we were trying to get out without any other distractions but on the way to get food...I got distracted!

 The jewelry she had was so pretty, so here is some more close ups of the jewelry. They weren't priced too horrible, but they would be great treat me day pieces.

SO that is for most of my day..then we well we then got a sub sandwich...roasted chicken breast on flat bread with veggies! YUM!

Ah yes the shoes that we found in 3 colors at Payless! Beautiful...I so don't have that shade of blue...well or any blue heels! SO wants!

WEE HOURS OF FRIDAY

OK IT STARTS AT OH 930PM THURSDAY NIGHT.....

THEN THINGS GET FRUSTRATING AROUND OH 1130PM

CRYBABY TRIED TO MAKE THINGS BETTER

SHOWER CURTAIN EVEN AMUSED ME ON ONE OF THE MANY TRIPS DUE TO:

THE SCRUMPTIOUSNESS OF COFFEE (YES THIS IS THE DENNY PIC: BUT  I FAILED TO TAKE A PIC OF MY CUP LAST NIGHT)

THEN THE WAR ENSUED! SHOULD I GIVE UP AND CRASH OR CONTINUE THE FIGHT OF RESUME AND APPLICATIONS?

LORD KNOWS WE NEED THE MONEY.....SO A JOB WOULD BE GREAT...

oh yeah I failed to mention I believe I am cleared for part-time. But I am looking for hopefully a full-time so we may get finances straight and look into adopting!

BUT BACK AGAIN TO THE BATTLE: I'M NOT QUITE SURE WHO WON-BUT I REMAINED AND FOUGHT THE 5 PAGE APPLICATIONS-CREATING NEW RESUMES FOR THE POSITION AND HOPING FOR SLEEP. AT LEAST SOON-BECAUSE THE JOBS CLOSE ON MONDAY. SO I WAS DETERMINED-OH 4 AM FINALLY GIVE UP SLIGHTLY DETERMINED!

Wow...Thursday .....I've lost it.

Wow, Today has been an interesting day, I've tried to feel better but unfortunately I have not been able to pick my self up. But between feeling ill and the words that were spoken at Confession-I'm not unhappy but I feel off.  I spoke of the decisions I had to make when my mother passed. I'm not for sure if I can forgive myself for the decisions I made during that time.  My heart still breaks when I think of her. I ask God to forgive me for that choice. But what was I to do-it was so hard! One moment my mother was there and then only a shell of her remained. I know she did not want to  live that way but-but why must a child make such decisions! I feared for so long my sister hated me for those decisions. I know the doctor said that she was brain dead that she was gone it was just the body-I prayed for a miracle. I prayed so hard to not have to loose her. But I had to make the decision. So I feel that it is my fault for my mother's passing. I haven't told anyone this. Perhaps its because Mother's Day is coming up so soon. But I feel-I miss her greatly. I know she is with the Lord. Probably shushing me for feeling the way I am. That is my mom. But yet I still ache. Lord help  mend this broken heart,

This was one of the songs that my mom sang to me and I sang to my sister. 

Now Onto the day-

After gaining some downtime I decided to break bad and NOT be afraid of Scarlet who is a friend of ours snake. She is a Milk Snake. She is really sweet. And I have agreed for one to be allowed in the home as long as it is properly cared for and maintained...and I mean held in cage properly! They can escape.

SO heres me holding her and Jasmine enjoying her time with Athena. 

Proverbs 4:20-22

My child, be attentive to my words; incline your ear to my sayings. Do not let them escape from your sight; keep them within your heart. For they are life to those who find them, and healing to all their flesh.

Late posting :(( :))

Well it has been quite a couple of days since I blogged! But if you follow my facebook you have seen I've posted a couple of pictures from Tumblr. My sister has gotten me into Tumblr. Its different. But It won't prevent me from blogging here.

Lets see breakdown of the Week so far:

Monday:

I had my counseling appointment. Whew waking up for that was very taxing! I was up way too late with Gary. We were playing Gears of War 3. We found a boss character that was kicking our tail! SO after my night time medicine and some snackage...chicken salad sandwich. I was ready for bed!

Monday Jasmine went to my appointment with me. It was nice to have someone to walk home with-well talk with after the appointment. I fixed us a light pasta dish to carry us over until dinner.

Then there was later that evening Lizzie and Al came by. We visited: Thor got played on the t.v. Yummy goodness! i mean the actor they have for him takes very good care of himself. Again WAY too late staying awake. But I managed a bit before I had to get up.

Tuesday:
I had my doctors appointment with Dr. Rodriguez. He has agreed for a part time job. Which is completely and totally awesome. So now I just need to manage to get that job! Office related though. So its going to be a bit hard but I will prevail :) SO if anyone knows of somewhere that is needing a secretary or receptionist-I am their woman!

Jasmine and I had a small adventure. A young man came by looking for money to help buy his uniform to play basketball for school. We tried to help but in the end it was almost mute. We went and got some nuggets and fries (very bad dinner but oh so yummy) and watched our show Smash! Well it redeemed itself a bit with us but not much. Now we are going WTF? but trying to still enjoy it. Then Jasmine and I decided it was time to start attending church again. So we are :)

I had an appointment this morning for labs. SO after some looking up things that we needed, we crashed.

Today!
Today has been well so far-besides me being a bit sleepy. I'm not sure why but I am quite sleepy. I've had some bloodwork done, had breakfast with Bill then I went home and got Jasmine out of bed.

Once she was ready we decided to go to register at St. John's Evangelical Catholic Church. We attended Mass and well it was nice. I am sooo Rusty! But I believe a few more times of attending and I should be well caught up. I know a lot of people are quite confused with the Catholic faith. BUt my mother chose that religion and I remember enjoying it once I understood what was going on. Maybe this is the link I have been missing.

Well it is nice to be out and about but the laundry will not wash itself. Food will not cook itself. And the applications I need to fill out won't do it themselves either. So I believe it is time to head to the house. Hope to be able to update more when I get home and can see my last post!