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A girl who doesn't mind being a nerd. I know things that most people my age would go HUH? why ya know that? and my answer is Boredom and the ability to read and research :) I love learning new things and meeting new people so if you don't mind books..I can be an open book on some subjects but others are rare finds so it takes time to get to those subjects.

Sunday, May 20, 2012

What It means to me

As everyone has seen I have started selling Avon,its fun. But It is hard starting off. I mean I don't have all that I have but me and the pamphlets. I want to order some beginner kits but to keep from having to pay out of pocket I need to have like 10 sells at a decent but not outrageous price.

I should be home. But Christie called and I went and allowed her to look over. She placed a small order. But next campaign she is getting a set of rings. So that is awesome!

Hopefully Monday I will be able to get flyers placed up around campus and all so that way maybe I will get my name out there.

I am sitting at Books A Million- trying to escape the house. I already had the phone call that I was expecting: Where are you? I'm out. :) They worry.

Its been so long since I've been my own person. I want to be my own person. Not someone else's person. I just--I am always (it seems) to be expected to do or make my life revolve around others. I can't do that anymore but I can't be selfish either. Gary told me last night I blogged allot last week. Yes I did. It helped me. It was a coping mechanism. I did get lost into it. BUt I needed to be lost. I've not blogged sooner because I have been so busy trying to understand this new company and wait for someone to call me from the Temp Agency to tell me I have a job. My doctor was against the temp. But everywhere I've placed an resume or application in has not called back. One told me I wouldn't get the job because I didn't have dental experience. Which is ok. But when they say its not required--its a little annoying when you see NEED TO HIRE ASAP and then get told oh no can't hire you.

We need extra funds seriously in this household. Maybe just maybe I need to go back into retail. I really don't want to. That is allot of stress, but just maybe I can do that until a better job comes around. I need a job that pays more than 7.25!

Gary works so hard to bring home barely nothing. We are hardly surviving and when I get stressed what do I do =buy things! Like today I saw this cheetah print iPad carrier. I was like OMG I want that! So I'm gonna take a picture of it and put it on my wish list.

I saw a few things at Wal-mart that I'd love. I'm sorry I'm a bit down today.

I did make a sell. But I'd love to get another sell like Shirley's.

I have an appointment tomorrow and Tuesday. Dreading Tuesday that is when I am discussing the pain medicine issue with my doctor. She wants me to be just on Tylenol for the pain in my hip. Wonderful. But it doesn't help. I need to leave here and go to the UPS store and see if they are open. I need to make some more print outs 14 actually. THen I need to go home and play GW3 with Gary. I have apparently not been paying much mid to him. Which was mutual. Wow the wonderful thing of communication=we so don't have sometimes.

I wanted to find me-then when I couldn't find me I tried to recreate who I was. I can't do that! I am me! ME dang it! I am eccentric, I believe in things that go bump in the night, I believe God isn't alone, I believe magic exists-I believe expressing yourself through your every day dress or dying your hair crazy colors or even cutting ti really crazy short: THAT MAKES YOU YOU! Why should negative people make you feel as though you can't be who you are. What right do they have to rip that away from you? Why do I have to pretend I'm not who I am. I went to St. John' Catholic Church-I went to confession and thought: what to confess? There was nothing that I felt wrong about. I new some of the things I did were wrong in my life but I had already made peace with them through prayer and talking to God. Then mass-I went: there was no Soul. I want Soul when I go to church. I want it where you feel so enlightened when you leave that you are walking on the cloud with God and Goddess (hey where did he get the idea for women)-I believe in balance. I strive control my life. To control what happens around me. Perhaps a bit too much. But I do.

I still have ache in me that just won't go away, I'm not sure how to get rid of it. But yesterday, when I stood in Shirley's shop and spoke openly and jokingly with them it was wonderful. I felt elated! I truly see Shirley as a friend. She makes me smile and jokes with me--she so makes sure I don't speak negative. I feel comfortable with her.

I want more people I can feel that way with. Today I spoke with Christie adn Gary. I actually enjoyed the convo with both. :) I was out--I was out doing what I wanted to do: I was free. My grandmother always said my animal spirit was a Mustang because they always had to be free and never tamed. Then well there's the fox lol: I love being mischief.

Acceptance. I believe that is the largest thing I need. But acceptance from other people not just those close knit to me. Because they always say: We accept you-we love you-you aren't alone. But I am. They don't understand I am alone. Those people are meant to be in my life no matter what. They are meant to say the things they say. But I want those who are outside of my life.

Someone or someone's I can speak openly with: perhaps not as open as with Shirley lol. But openly.

Well its 4pm. Gary should be out of bed. I guess its time to pack up. I see potential clients but they are with family and I don't want to interrupt family time. Maybe Monday--theres always Monday. I have to go home fill out the applications, turn those in and even go to the Inn maybe they still need someone for the Front Desk.

Well *hugs* and Many blessings to all that have read this. Much Love.

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