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A girl who doesn't mind being a nerd. I know things that most people my age would go HUH? why ya know that? and my answer is Boredom and the ability to read and research :) I love learning new things and meeting new people so if you don't mind books..I can be an open book on some subjects but others are rare finds so it takes time to get to those subjects.

Saturday, May 5, 2012

Get off! No not the table! Stay off the clean clothes! Not you too!

Yes these are words that have came out of my mouth all day. The little devils think they are suppose to be all over everything! I mean really I bring out my ironing board and POOF there they are on the ironing board. I open my laptop! POOF! There they are!
I mean really?
My main little culprit.
This one is Mom I'm cute. Right? You can't be mad.


And well I just gave up here and snapped the shot!

So I was very grateful to go out looking at paint swatches for the house. I first thought I was going to do the kitchen first but I've decided that the dining room is the main that truly needs a repainting. You see the color on our wall is the color of poo. Yes its that brown! and poorly done at that.

Christie came by and spent some time with me. We talked about painting and things I want to do to the house over the next few months. No not all in one month! That would be serious outrageous painting!...Unless you know a mob of people wanted to come and do all the painting in one day? ....... Darn no takers! 

So after going to Home Depot for paint swatches-I hope everyone loves them. Well so far no complaints. They-Gary and Jasmine are going We can put this color here and this color here! So that is great!

Jasmine did well in school all passing. Yes I know not as well as you wanted but you PASSED and I am proud of you! To celebrate her finishing the semester we had a yummy dinner: Porch chops in brown sauce, parmesean risotto, and green bean casserole! Oh I forgot about the buttermilk biscuits. We had a glass of wine with dinner along with sweet tea. The wine was for Jasmine-she's been asking for some.

some of the antics around our house lol! We always have a bit of fun here and there! Saturday I hope for popcorn and video games. Maybe some GW3, Valkyrie Profile or even some Rock Band 2.

She worked around with my blog html for a bit...fussed at it lol. Then I suggested ....margarita?.....vodka?.......Nope  neither! RUM BALLS! Since she had never had them we made them tonight. I did a little fudging here and there......lots of rum.....and some dark chocolate cocoa with a regular cocoa scoop. They turned out great. Gary and Jasmine loved them. I tried one to see how the new batch (recipe) worked. I had to added almonds instead of pecans. No pecans in the pantry.

Oh today we had a scare! Well Bill did, his little poodle Annie got out. He had lost her! I called him, he finally answered and said she was gone. I sent back up. And thank the Lord they found her. So say prayers for him that no one else takes off on a little adventure! Place him in your prayers too-he has had some seriously achy days, it would be great if there was some healing prayer would be great for him.

With that said I am thinking of returning to work. Maybe an office job and just doing classes on a part-time schedule. We really need the money and I can't wait until my therapist says OK you are ok to go back into the working world. I mean if I wait on them for that we are going to be on the outs! We need so much.
Doing this makes me feel like this.

Just for example Gary  has a bad tooth it really needs to be pulled, and bless his heart his eye sight is getting worst to the point I need to get him into the optometrist and get him new glasses. Then theres this heat rash that will not go away! We have tried everything, prescription medicine, home remedies-I am at my wits end on this. He needs to go to a dermatologist but we don't have the money for him to do it. I don't understand what we are paying insurance for. We pay so much but it seems we can't go to the doctor. I mean I really wish I could just bop the people who does the insurance premiums. Its suppose to be cheaper going through your employer but it seems so much more!
We seriously want to pull our hair out everytime we want to go to the doctor!

Then there are the cars! Oh lord my car needs a tune up badly, the a/c is broke. Which brings a sore subject because I asked the nice people at Copeland to fix it because I had it looked at and knew what was wrong. But I'm a girl what do I know? So they diagnosed it-refilled it (which it did not need) and charged us a but load of money for it and well within 3 months the darn thing was out again. It blows straight up HOT AIR! even when turned off.

Then there's the issue of my medication's which do cost a lot even through VA, I need to go see the girl doctor but thats in Gainesville which takes gas. I have to make sure we have things here at home: I've been pinching pennies left and right yet it still feels like I'm not doing enough. I feel so defeated on this budget aspect.

Jasmine is exhausting all means she can to find a job. She feels she has to pick up the slack. She needs a job to support her bills but she also wants to help here more at the house. Which is really sweet but I want her to be able to save money.

We've spoke about Disability for me, but my counselor thinks she can rehab me to be able to go back out in the field but I'm not ready NOW. I'm not for sure what Dr. Rodriquez is going to say. I hope one way or the other he will help me make my decision. My therapist doesn't want me to identify with my condition. I'm not. Not any more. I am determined to try to live my life my way. Not the way my condition chooses. Its not perfect  but it is my  life. I want to be able to operate in life in normal settings. I know I can not have the stress levels I use to have but that doesn't mean-I don't know. All I know is I've got to try. I tried Sears and that didn't pan out. I was a great worker but the melt downs I was having when I was coming home, the couple of melt downs at work-I can't do that. I have to have a way to bring extra income in our home.

My money I receive from VA is gone. Phone, insurance, and our two extras (netflix/hulu) come out of there. I may have 20 left maybe. Then with the health insurance coming out of Gary's check its like just enough to get the bare minimals and pay bills. If something happens we are totally and utterly screwed. My car broke down and took all of our savings :( I don't know what to do any more. Gary can't work two jobs theres no way.

I don't want to get a loan because that's just another bill we have to pay. Lord its just frustrating. I just wish there was an answer. If I could get disability and it just be anywhere from 200-500 extra a month it would help immensely. I have my student loans I have to pay and I've not been able to pay on them because we are so tight. Lord I just need a job that will pay me well and I can do part-time classes. I know that will take me forever to get my BA but I've got to do what has to be done. My dream is to teach Anthropology or even work in the Ethnobotany field. But sometimes dreams aren't meant to come true, because life happens. The awful truths that hits us in our lowest time.

All can do is pray and hope God hears my pleas for some luck to find us. Just a little. We need a little luck.

Maybe after the luck and savings is looking well, medical is taken care of, cars are well, bills are on track-maybe then I can do my house projects my small potted gardens I want to do.  Maybe then.

For now I have loads of fabric that needs to be sewn so I am going to work on that. Talk to my doctors and hope I can find an office job that is full time :)

But since this was a little bit depressing heres a beautiful pic I found the other day I'd like to share.

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